I often struggle with this particular voice in my head. It's this silent nudge of a voice that constantly is telling me I'm not good enough.
Not in an anti-Stuart Smalley kind of way - but in a you're not prepared kind of way. And - to be honest - I don't hate it.
It isn't malicious, or demeaning or negative in any way. Just more of a motivational speaker, but a bit more harsh. Sort of like a drill sergeant. But, a drill sergeant I can talk back to.
I won't pretend to know how drill sergeants actually speak - as I'm not a military man - but based on popular depictions, a drill sergeant is the best comparison.
Constantly prodding, poking me - reminding me what I'm doing.
Asking if what I'm doing has a purpose. If it doesn't have a purpose, why I am I doing it? Couldn't I be putting this useful energy into something more, well, useful?
"You could be writing right now."
"You could be coding right now."
"You could be networking right now."
"You could be walking Tank right now."
And he/she has a point. I could be doing all of those things right now. Except for the writing one because, well, I'm writing.
But at times where I'm surfing the internet for the latest comic book movie news, or getting lost on pinterest or twitter, I could be doing any one of those things.
Those are all times where that drill sergeant bursts into my pysche room and wakes me up from my deep slumber and screams,
Wake up, Maggot! Are you using your time wisely right now?
It's because of this voice that creates my inner drive. Being constantly surrounded by incredibly talented people, its necessary to have an inner drive like this.
And it's cool to feel busy. Everyone says to not brag about your business - and I'm not. What I am prideful of is how much better I've become at things because of my business.
And because of that inner voice.